I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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