The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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