Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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