i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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