My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
