i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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