I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
