Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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