Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
