i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I enjoy the company of your penis
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
