Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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