Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
