Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
