I'd wear matching sweaters with you
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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