She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
