as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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