it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
