We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
