watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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