TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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