He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
