well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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