wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
