You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
