Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
