I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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