The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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