i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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