3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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