Jerry, you need to find god
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Randomize
