; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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