Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
What a dumb baby whore.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
