My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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