It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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