I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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