He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
