If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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