Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
