either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize