I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
