I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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