I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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