In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
