how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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