Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
