sarcasm needs its own font
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
