I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
