we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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