Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
