Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
