Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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