everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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