You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
