why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
