And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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