She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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