So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
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