i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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