she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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