Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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