Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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