Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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