I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize