did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
