I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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