I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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