Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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