God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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