dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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