I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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